Thursday, June 6, 2013

On Waiting for the Right One

This week I met a young woman, Leslie. She is 22 and single. Loneliness is her constant companion. She's not found the one and she wants to find the one.

There she is having dinner with a happily married couple of eleven years, a married woman of five years, and me, engaged to be married June 21st. Love is all around, but not for her (at least not right now).

We all had some interesting advice to give her.

Movies: He's Just Not That Into You and Runaway Bride

If a man is truly interested, he will get in touch with you. Don't put your life on hold while you wait by the phone.

Quit looking so hard. He will find you. Her brother-in-law told her that the one is out there right now running as hard as he can to her. He just hasn't found her yet.

Don't get too upset if after a couple of weeks things cool off and he stops calling. Let it go. As my brother once told me, sometimes you didn't do anything wrong. It just isn't the right time for him to have a girlfriend. And what if there is something he doesn't like? Do you honestly want to makeover yourself to make him happy?

This is where Runaway Bride comes in. Maggie wants to get married. She's famous at finding men, but when the wedding day comes, she runs.

The reporter following her around as she prepares for her next wedding asks all her previous fiancés "How did she take her eggs?"

"Just like me," they all reply. They all had different preferences for eggs.

Maggie becomes the woman she thinks a man wants her to be rather than allowing them to see the woman she is.

Be yourself. If he doesn't like you for you, do you truly want to build a life with him?

Just because, we said not to be looking, doesn't mean she should put her life on hold. We encouraged her to do things she likes. Join groups. Go to events. Enjoy life.

When needing advice about men, sorry ladies, but turn to the men in your life — brother, father, uncle, trusted friend. Women do not know what men are thinking. Ask a man. He'll give you some exceptional insight. Sometimes when a guy has that zoned out look, and you ask him what he's thinking. He isn't thinking anything — men can do this. Or he may be thinking about when was the last time he had his oil changed.

A first date is an opportunity to get to know someone not a marriage proposal.

My fiancé, Chuck teases me that our first two weeks of dating was the longest job interview of his life. I asked him a million questions and I was very honest when answering his questions. Dating is an opportunity to get to know someone. Have fun, but get to know them. It is a lot easier to let go in the first few weeks then later when you've built a life together only to find that you're just, not into each other.

Be patient Leslie. When you don't have a man in your life, it is the perfect opportunity to get to know yourself. Make good girlfriends. I know one day that a wonderful guy will meet you and know that you're what he's been waiting for all along.

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