Saturday, June 2, 2012

Remembering My High School Graduation

Yesterday, I began the day a little depressed. You see 28 years ago I graduated from high school and I was thinking about that girl and how different my life is than I imagined. That girl was wearing an engagement ring on her finger and she was so sure of how wonderful her marriage was going to be. She was hoping for a house in a little subdivision, vacations at the beach, and two children - a boy and a girl. She would never divorce her husband. She would do everything to make him happy.

The biggest lesson I learned from marriage number one is that you cannot make someone else happy. You cannot be responsibly for their happiness. And when one person gives their 100%, it is still only 50%.

I thought I learned my lesson and jumped into marriage number two. I didn't see it. Similar scenario with similar results.

Some parts have definitely been sweeter, but quite frankly I never expected to be married three times, divorced twice, have had the money struggles I've had, the problems with my daughter, etc. It just hasn't been the picture perfect scenario I expected. 

And then I turned my calendar made by my wonderful friend, Sandy and saw the Harvest Happiness. I thought of the wonderful friendships, my beautiful grandson, and all the other blessings of my life. Maybe I didn't meet those teenage aspirations, but my life is much richer in so many other ways instead of success or money. And while at first I was a little sad, I'm not any longer. I'm grateful.

And I think of Mike, my blessing from God; we only had a brief time together. And I am so thankful to have had a love with a partner, who was as interested in me as I was in him. We did not get along every minute of every week, but we talked. We did special things for one another. 

One of my favorite memories of Mike is I'm standing at the sink, just cleaning up. Mike is sitting at the table, reading glasses perched on his nose, the Saturday morning paper before him, the red coffee cup with the helicopter on it is in his hands and he lifts it to his lips and takes a slip. He smiles and lets out a pleasurable sigh as he returns to the article he was reading. It was just an average Saturday morning, but I can still smell the coffee, see him sitting there, appreciate the smile - a moment captured in my mind.

I told Sandy about my thoughts, my regrets, my sadness, and my gratitude and asked if I could include her calendar page in my blog. 

And she gave me some wonderful advice: Sandy said, "We all have regrets and blessings. It's how we think on those things that make all the difference...never look back, unless it is to learn or to be reminded of a happy day."

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