Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Widow's Walk: Dating

Each year since losing Mike, I have attempted to date. After the first year, that first date was disastrous. It all felt wrong. The guy was pushy immediately wanting a relationship that I wasn't ready for. After all, I had just met him.

The next year I tried again. I met a nice man online. Everything seemed fine until we met. He had fudged his age a little. It was like going on a date with my father and then I found out he had a daughter only a few years younger than me. We had a nice dinner though. He was very respectful, but at the end of the date we both knew it just wasn't going to happen. And I knew I really wasn't ready.

Well I've tried it again. I met a nice guy. We had a nice dinner. He asked me out again, but I couldn't go that day. I gave him other days I was available and I haven't heard from him since. My first reaction was what is wrong with me? And I immediately went into that mode of making excuses and even wondered should I email him?

My brother once told me that if a man is interested, truly interested, he will get in touch with you. He will move heaven and earth trying to contact you. If a man doesn't call, forget about him. It doesn't mean you did anything wrong. You just have to let it go. I know it is easier said than done. I'll be honest, I did check my emails a little more frequently and I did double check my spam folder. We just weren't right for each other.

My son once told me that he feels sorry for anyone who follows after Mike because those are some big shoes to fill. And he's right. I had something wonderful with Mike and if I'm meant to love again, I'm not settling. I don't need a man to complete me, but it sure would be nice to have one to enrich my life.

For widows considering dating, give yourself time. Don't hurry. If it doesn't feel right, then it isn't. Don't put your heart into a new relationship too quickly. And if he doesn't call, let him go.

Work on yourself. Do the things you enjoy. Get to know yourself again. Revisit old dreams or make new ones. Make the most of the next chapter of your life.

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